Mad

While D is madly working on her thesis defense talk (tomorrow is the day!) I’m sitting nearby and providing moral support, mostly by being in the room for company but silent to let her work. I’m trying to catch up on my FeedOnFeeds stuff and blog the interesting stuff. I ran across this bit from Chad Orzel’s Uncertain Principles about how he just stays mad. I feel the same way. I got really pissed off at work today, I get pissed off while driving. So much seems so infuriating. Some of it is the times, and the very real feeling I get that Things Are Just Wrong In This Place. That goes for Atlanta the city, the US as a place, at my job, in my neighborhood, inside my skin. That’s part of why I think I’m looking so forward to the move to Chicagoland – it’s partly the goodness of the place, and partly because it’s Not Here. The thought of starting over is often the biggest drag and scariest part of a move. This time it is what I long for. I’m begging to start over. Like Art Alexakis sings in Everclear’s “Summerland”:

Let’s just drive your car
We could drive all day
Let’s just get the hell away from here
For I am sick again
Just plain sick to death
Of the sound of my own voice
We could leave behind another wasted year
Get some cheap red wine and just go flying
We could do the things,
All the things you wanted to
No one cares about us anyway
I think I lost my smile
I think you lost yours too
We have lost the power to make each other laugh
Let’s just leave this place
And go to Summerland
Just a name on the map
Sounds like heaven to me
We could find a town
Be just how we want to be
No one here really cares about us anyway

Yes, my friends, this is exactly how I feel. I also feel like these lyrics from Amy Ray’s “Black Heart Today”:

i got a black heart today
no amount of kindness can turn it the other way
even the dogs are tired of me
howling at the trees
take this meanness out of me
i got a black heart today

These people have my number.