My brother recently started weblogging and has been writing a series of reminisces of our father. We’re approaching the one year anniversary of his death. I do my best to try to avoid knowing the actual day. It would be easy to find out but when people tell me I try to forget. It’s not something to commemorate and I don’t even want to acknowledge when it happens. I know that soon we’ll be having the one year retrospective on the space shuttle explosion. I found out about it as I was checking out of the hotel on the way to my father’s funeral.
Until James started writing up his posts, I was in denial how hard it still hits me to this day. I’ve got a complicated mix of pain, anger, grief and serenity in my feelings. I’ve gotten used to the fact that this may never go away, that it might hurt as much in 50 years as it does today.