Jerry Falwell died today. There is only one possible interpretation of this event – God is so upset with the homosexuals and the ACLU that he killed Falwell. Falwell himself taught us that all disasters are evidence that his political enemies have angered God, and that God will take that anger out on innocents. Now that anger has extended even to Falwell himself.
I thank the Reverend Falwell for getting me to appreciate the interpretation of God as a celestial mafioso. He’s fun to be around when things are good, but when it all turns sour the most convenient person will get whacked just for being there. This is brilliant theology, combining America’s two great loves – Jesus and the Sopranos. What a shame Reverend Falwell will not be able to share this sort of brilliance with us anymore. Maybe if he’s really a good boy up in heaven, God will let Jerry steer the next hurricane into a city full of people that he most wants to kill.