In Case Of Rapture, We Will Continue To Be Assholes Somewhere Else

Let me say that I have nothing against Christians, even evangelical charismatic prosletyzing sorts. From the ages of 12 to 16, I thought I wanted to be a preacher and even won scholarships to several midwestern bible colleges from winning Bible Bowl tournaments. My upbringing with midwestern unadorned, simple Christianity has done a lot to inform my moral and ethical sense. Some of the folks that taught me Sunday School lessons and the pastors of my church are some of the outright best human beings I’ve ever met. However, I absolutely hate showy, “I’m so holy” Christians. I think the most heinous and least Christian form that takes is the “In Case of Rapture…” stuff. Here are people so unhumble that they make presumptions on God himself. WWJD? He would grab a razor blade and scrape that shit off of your bumpers, brothers and sisters. Jesus himself said this in Matthew 6:5-6 (King James for that old time mystical feeling):

5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Don’t make a big show of your faith, he says. WWJD?

In that vein, I saw this as the Steve Jackson Games Illuminated Site of the Week. It is the Rapture Index from Rapture Ready. It presents all of the prophetic activity of the current time in a standardize format with “normalized” data. I haven’t read up on their methodologically yet for this normalization. Just in case you were wondering if it was a put on or not, check this quote from the bottom of the front page:

If the rapture should take place, resulting in my absence, it will become necessary for tribulation saints to mirror or financially support this site.

I would find it a delicious irony if my current atheism is incorrect and there is a God and an endtime, and at the judgement all the Christians who trumpeted their holiness and yet lived lives opposed to Christian principles were found wanting and cast into a special circle of Hell where for all eternity they had red hot metal Jesus fish and WWJD pins branding their rotten flesh. It would give me some notion of comfort in my own eternal torment to be able to view that.

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Dave Slusher is a blogger, podcaster, computer programmer, author, science fiction fan and father. Member of the Podcast Hall of Fame class of 2022.