The BrainEater Claims Another One

I just heard another of the songs off the new Sting album, and I can say unequivocally that every one of the tunes from Sacred Love that I have experienced has absolutely sucked. It is not that they are lesser efforts, or decent but not great, these songs completely blow in only the way that gutless by-the-numbers adult contemporary bullshit can. I guess he’s trying to cut out the middleman in having these converted to Jaguar commercials, by releasing music that is as unchallenging and as low-common-denominator as an advertising jingle. It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t such a huge fan of the Police as a young man. Really, the braineater was already in full effect by the time of Synchronicity, with “Every Breath You Take” a horrible foreshadowing of the eery depths to which Sting would eventually sink, a future career in which every song was bland pablum. It’s to the point where I can’t even listen to “Next To You” or “Friends” or “Walking on the Moon” without cringing and thinking of the awful fate that would one day befall this man. Both Copeland and Summers have done interesting, challenging post-Police work. Why is Sting so happy to be a male Celine Dion, singing uninspired and non-threatening torch songs? God save Gordon Sumner from himself.

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Dave Slusher is a blogger, podcaster, computer programmer, author, science fiction fan and father.