Star Wars Episode None

This is my declaration of apathy for the entirety of the Star Wars series. I haven’t seen any of them since I was a kid. I was nuts for all things Star Wars back then, and I’ve never really given a shit since. I couldn’t care less about Episode 3 and in fact I don’t even know what the name of this movie is. I have never seen Phantom Clones or Attack of the Menace and have no particular plans to ever see them.

I don’t have time to write it up now, but I’d like to throw in a contrary voice to the Battlestar Galactica hosannas. I only watched because of the commentary podcast, and having watched three episodes I won’t be back next season. I thought it was utter crap. Later on I’ll give more detail on why I feel like this.

I’m in that subset of people who is very much into written SF and finds that much media SF is completely unsatisfying bullshit. Most movies and TV SF just fills me with complete disappointment to watch it.

Published by


Dave Slusher is a blogger, podcaster, computer programmer, author, science fiction fan and father. Member of the Podcast Hall of Fame class of 2022.

7 thoughts on “Star Wars Episode None”

  1. Josh says:

    It’s “Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones.”

    (…but you knew that.)

  2. PJ Cabrera says:

    … George Lucas has thoroughly fucked a good thing since he replaced Wookies with Ewoks in the “Return of the Jedi” script. So you’re not missing a whole lot. The magic is gone, and only small gems of magic show here and there in what was once my #1 favorite movie series.

    I’ll still watch SW Episode 3, though, hoping to catch those bits of magic that may show in this last piece of the Star Wars puzzle. Maybe I’m a masochist, or maybe I feel sorry for good ol’ George, and like Luke did for Darth Vader, I want to give George a chance to redeem himself. (OK, that’s enough silly metaphorical melodrama.)

  3. Just out of curiosity, did you ever watch FarScape?

    I’m interested to hear your comments on BG. I thought I would hate it, and so didn’t ever watch it, but the few that I’ve seen I have liked. Not enough to drag my wife kicking and screaming into the room so we can watch it on Fridays, but enough to watch it when I’m on my lonesome…


  4. I’m with you Dave on the BG thing. I watched one episode and thought it was terrible. But then again, I thought the same about the new Doctor Who after episode one but it came good in episode two. Star Wars, however, is a different matter. Even though I havent liked much of what Lucas has done with the last two films, I’ve still a junkie for the mythology. Goddam I want a lightsaber.

  5. morgaine says:

    Ok George Lucas is a great director i mean come on the people who contributed to the $460,998,007 that just the first star wars movie box-office made begs to differ that star wars “sucks”. But look at the movies Lucas and his crew over came many obstacles they made the unbelievable believable and you want to tell me that star wars is bad…nope sorry you are wrong your probably saying they are bad to get attention and to be different but come on saying star wars is bad entirely is ridiculous. You can say the storyline is bad or the graphics but saying its all awful together as a whole. You need to watch them again. I was not around when the first ones came out, since I am still very young. But even me at my age appreciate the work of art and genius everyone put into these movies

  6. Derek says:

    Morgaine, where did he say that Star Wars “sucks”? I read the post and all of the comments that there was nothing about Star Wars sucking.

    Besides, you think that the movies are excellent. That’s cool. It’s just as cool for someone else to not like them. I have a friend whose favorite movie is (I’m not kidding) “Redneck Zombies.” Different stokes and all that.

  7. dave says:

    Derek, that’s right. It was just about my apathy. I haven’t seen any of the movies as an adult, so it’s tough to compare my kid enthusiasm at the time to adult critical thinking.

    Fundamentalists get bothered by opinions that differ from their own. That seems to hold pretty constant whether the fundamentalism is about religion or the purity of blogs or the goodness of a movie or book series. It’s no hair off my ass if anyone hates things I like, but then I’m not a fundamentalist.

Comments are closed.