I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest:

• "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."
• "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."
• "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

- from the George Carlin Day Calendar for March 27, 2006