I Wanna Go Down Like a Junkie Cosmonaut

Had I ever followed through on becoming a cyberpunk author, I only wish I could have written stories as good as the one as the story of astronaut Lisa Nowak confronting the girlfriend of a fellow astronaut. The details are what makes the story, including driving from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers so she didn’t have to stop and the inventory of what she took with her:

During a check of the parking lot, an officer followed Nowak and watched her throw away a bag containing the wig and BB gun. They also found a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600 and garbage bags inside a bag Nowak was carrying when she was arrested, authorities said.

Inside Nowak’s vehicle, which was parked at a nearby motel, authorities uncovered a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, latex gloves and e-mails between Shipman and Oefelein. They also found a letter “that indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein,” an opened package for a buck knife, Shipman’s home address and hand written directions to the address, the arrest affidavit said.

That inventory crosses the line from threatening to downright sinister with the tubes, trash bags and latex gloves. All she needed was a hacksaw and some hydrochloric acid to really complete the picture. Good luck trying to argue the innocence of that bag in court. It sounds like Tony Soprano’s glove box.

I think I saw this on Ren and Stimpy. She obviously has the “space madness.”

Update: I scooped Uncle Brucie by 12 hours or more. My wife just happened to notice the story when it was like 8 minutes after being posted to the AP sites, so I was in the right place at the right time. It also, luckily enough, was when people in Belgrade are asleep! Until your AI/ubicomp buddies write you a virtual Sterling that scours the net 24/7 to find cynical tales of technocrats going off the rails, you have to sleep sometime. You are still a frail meat puppet, just like us all.

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Dave Slusher is a blogger, podcaster, computer programmer, author, science fiction fan and father.

3 thoughts on “I Wanna Go Down Like a Junkie Cosmonaut”

  1. I read this: A married mother of three, Nowak told police that she was “involved in a relationship with” Bill Oefelein, another NASA astronaut, which she categorized as “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship,” according to the charging affidavit.

    Maybe I am just a bit slow, but what exactly was the relationship with Oefelein: sex in the airlock?

    I love the engineering math parallel: a

  2. What really freaks me out is that in the not so distant past she was running the freaking robotic arm of the shuttle during a spacewalk.

    I guess all that Right Stuff training doesn’t weed out the crazies. We all saw how Fred Ward turned out, didn’t we?

    I once had a “more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship” with a young lady. We both worked in a restaurant whilst I was in High School. I think it was fair to characterize it as such because I wanted her really badly and she wanted me to get out of her way. Really badly.

  3. James, as usual, cracks me up.

    But I think Mrs. Novak is in deep doo doo. All that stuff in her possesion doesn’t help her case of “trying to scare” Shipman. It might have been a BB gun and not a 9mm, but hot damn, girl! Whatever happened to catfights and name calling?

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