New Traditionalists

Today I was walking the dog today listening to an episode of Matt and Mattingly’s Ice Cream Social podcast. Despite it being sac-shrinklingly cold, I had to stop and belly laugh out loud. This is their “Humpsgiving Part 1” episode, and in it they were describing the awkwardness of being an atheist yet being asked to deliver grace at functions. While riffing, they hit on the perfect solution. It will not only prevent you from being asked again but becomes a game.

If this is asked of you, bow your head and hold hands and then begin reciting the lyrics to the Beach Boys’ “Kokomo.” Continue until someone makes you stop or you laugh too hard to keep going. I personally now cannot wait to be put in this situation. Matt Donnely, Paul Mattingly, you are geniuses.

And if you need a refresher, here you go. Can I get a “You’re Welcome?”

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego,
baby why don’t we go,
Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys
there’s a place called Kokomo
That’s where you wanna go
to get away from it all
Bodies in the sand,
tropical drink melting in your hand
We’ll be falling in love
to the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo

[Chorus:]
Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to
Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
Key Largo Montego,
baby why don’t we go
Ooh I wanna take you down to Kokomo,
we’ll get there fast
and then we’ll take it slow
That’s where we wanna go,
way down in Kokomo.

Martinique, that Monserrat mystique…

We’ll put out to sea
and we’ll perfect our chemistry
By and by we’ll defy
a little bit of gravity
Afternoon delight,
cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye,
give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo

[Chorus]

Port au Prince, I wanna catch a glimpse…

Everybody knows a little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go to get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo

[Chorus]